Snow!

Today we went to the snow. Yes, in April. Yesterday a cold front came through and since it rained here, I figured it snowed a bit up in the local mountains. I looked at road conditions but failed to see if there was actually any snow! So we loaded the car with lots of clothes, some blankets and food and drove an hour north. Fortunately my dad was home and called a few places for us to find out if there was snow. We ended up in Frazier Park. Parked on the side of the road where we were on the shady side of a hill...that I used to trash bag down as a kid. Oh the memories. It was cold. 34 degrees and breezy. B was apprehensive. Didn't know what was going on or what he was stepping in. Never really warmed up to the whole thing (no pun intended). D of course had a blast. For the first time in the snow, they did great and it was just the right amount. We were only outside in it for about 20 minutes but it was just enough. We even made it home for nap. :)

Words are coming!

B is saying "Mommy!" It's been "MaMaMa" for so long and then yesterday it was finally "Mommy." B is sick again. He has a cold. He didn't nap yesterday. And yet, he's been so chatty. He's been trying new words. We can't totally understand him sometimes but the words are coming. Baby was "bubby" today at speech therapy. He called Grandpa, "Pa." Much to my amazement, he said "wa wa" when asking for his water in the car on the way home from speech today. This is the beginning!

On the flip side, the tantrums are almost every 5 minutes. If we say "no" the dam breaks and he wails. It it so grating and I want to rip all of my hair out. Thank goodness for therapy. And antidepressants. At least there were some positives today and it can only get better. I hope. I did request behavior management assistance through Regional Center and fortunately, it was approved. So we will get help. And another hour of therapy. We're up to 5 hours a week with OT starting next week.

I almost forgot....B's fall. So last week, we met Mercy and her daughter at the park for a playdate. B was on the top of the jungle gym with Airalyn and she was saying "B, I'm going to get you." I saw what was happening and yelled to him to stop backing up. He backed right off of the thing. Fell 7ft. We called 911. Ambulance ride to the ER, x-rays and CT Scan later, and he was fine. It's really amazing I haven't been committed.

And in D's world, she was sent to have an x-ray on her hip because the doctor thinks she might (very small chance) have arthritis. Really? All in the same week? Fortunately, the x-ray was negative. But now she's complaining about her knee again. I really hope I survive this stage of my life without the men coming with the straight jacket.

Frustrating Times

Everyday is a fight. A fight to keep my sanity. B is constantly a handful. Between the tantrums, exhaustion, strange allergic/asthmatic cough thing and being an almost 2 year old, we have our hands totally full. I feel like I can never be grateful for the good things. Our kids are basically healthy, very bright and so loving. We have a great house. David has a job that allows me to stay home with the kids. So many good things. And I'm constantly miserable. Exhausted. Wishing for something else. Jealous of those who have what I want. My therapist today said it's not that I'm not grateful, because I am, it's that I'm overwhelmed by the things that are so hard. She wants me to get out more. HA! I wish I could! If only we had Mary Poppins to help us. And the money to pay her. Unfortunately we did not win the $314 Mega Million jackpot today. I'm so isolated. My friends are dealing with their kids. It's still cold and flu season and with B's breathing stuff right now, I'm not interested at all in going back to My Gym for awhile. Or for being indoors with other kids for that matter. UGH!

Let's go back a week. We went to see David, Molly and Tara last weekend. It was nice to get away. Although in the first hour of the drive, I thought we were going to have to turn around because B would not settle down and was so fussy. Fortunately, we stopped in Santa Barbara for lunch and all was fine after that. We saw the Prestons for afternoon and dinnertime and then went to the hotel. B was a little hesitant in his new sleeping environment but did really well. D was the one who kept getting us up! Anyway, I saw Christie who I hadn't seen in 22 years the next day which was pretty cool. The kids napped fine and we were able to see the Prestons again. B slept well that night too while D was so so. I think she was just overtired. The next day the rain came. We went to a gym class with Molly and Tara which was fun but the wheels were starting to fall off the cart...B was getting more and more fussy. I think he was overstimulated being out of his own environment. That afternoon we went to see Erica and family at their new house in SLO. We celebrated Santiago's birthday and hung out. We had thought about going home that night because of the weather but then decided not to because we thought the kids would get a good night sleep. Which was the case except for D falling out of her bed at 4am. Oh well. Best laid plans. Anyway, after packing the car and checking out, B starting to have one of his coughing fits. We needed to give him a treatment so we stopped at the Prestons, did the treatment and got on the road. B was asleep 30 minutes later. We drove in horrible rain the whole way home, only stopping once for lunch in Ventura. The rain actually was worse once we were home. Regardless, the weekend was surprisingly better than we had expected and the kids did pretty well.

Maybe this week has been a recovery week for B. He hasn't napped very well. Basically, if he isn't kept busy, he's a clingy, tired wreck. Which makes me just a tired wreck. Again, I sound so ungrateful for this wonderful son of mine. Someday I will look back on all of this with him and laugh...oh remember when??? Sigh....

Busy life

Time flies when you have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old....who keep getting sick! We're finally wrapping up B's antibiotics for the sinus infection he ended up with and D's knee is feeling better. What happened to D's knee? Well, her cold virus that gave her an ear infection settled in her knee. Strange. One morning she woke up and couldn't walk. Fortunately, she is better. We're still awaiting her blood results but because we haven't heard from the doctor yet, we're pretty sure it won't show anything.

B's speech is a slow go. He is progressing but at a snail's pace. He now whispers some b's and p's. He does "ch" like he's trying to speak yiddish. He says "oooo" for more and we have heard him say "pop," "bubba" for bubble and "bye bye." He doesn't seem to repeat it much but at least he's doing it. I'm exhausted with all the therapy appointments but more exhausted with the tantrums and trying to figure out what the heck he wants all the time. Then add in D's tantrums and attitude and I want to run away.

Speaking of running away, David sent me on an overnight to Sacramento to visit friends for my birthday. It was so nice. But so short. 22 hours to be exact. But so nice to be free of of children. I missed David so much though. I can't wait for a day to be with him on an overnight. Someday.

Have to go to bed to pack and get out of here to go visit the central coast for the weekend. Looking forward to seeing Tara and family and praying that B sleeps, doesn't throw too many tantrums and that we have fun.

Really? Sick again?

So it's been a week. I haven't nursed B. He seems content with stories and cuddles. It's working out. I don't miss it too much although right now, I wish I could help him. He's sick again. Getting over croup. Poor kid has a cough that breaks my heart. I guess I'm comforting him enough but there's just something about nursing him that seems to be so soothing to us both. Tonight he actually let me hold him without reading while I sang to him. He was sucking on his fingers and was pretty sleepy. My sweet sweet boy. He caught his cold last week and I thought I heard the croupiness start on Friday so I took him to the doctor because I was leaving on Saturday to go to San Diego for an overnight. Of course he was fine at the doctor's. I left on Saturday and came home Sunday to find David holding B in the kitchen looking so pathetic. David had given him medicine and we called the doctor. Back to inhalation treatments and back to the doctor on Monday. At least it's just croup. D was complaining about her ear a lot and then last night woke up crying. So I took her to the doctor today. Bad ear infection and back on antibiotics. I swear, it never ends! And I just want to cuddle with them both and take it all away. At least B slept last night and was better today. Hopefully that will happen to D tonight as well.

So the overnight away from the kids went well. David took care of them both and they didn't seem to miss me. Much. I guess that means I can do it more often! :)

End of an era

Have I really been breastfeeding for over 3 years? I nursed D for 18 months and B is now 21 months. Crazy. I hate the reason why I'm done. Migraines. Once again, I'm done because I can't tolerate the pain and need to go on meds that I can't breastfeed with. It was the same way with D. Sucks. At least B took pity on me tonight. I'm not really sure why I decided to do it tonight, it just happened. Instead of nursing him, I read to him in the rocking chair. When he got squirmy, I asked if it was time for bed and he nodded. When I turned the light off and was holding him he started pointing to the chair. I don't know if he was pointing to the book on the ottoman or if he was expecting me to nurse him. I didn't ask. He definitely would have wanted the boob. I sang to him a little and he started pointing to the crib. So I put him down. No tears, no nothing. From him anyway. My heart broke a little. He's only been getting one boob, one time a day for months now. But it was our time. It was special. And relaxing after most days that were stressful and filled with a lot of craziness. But he's almost 2. He doesn't need to be nursed and I need to be able to function. I'm not doing right by my family when I'm in pain and bitchy. So, I have to give up nursing B. My breastfeeding days are over. And I'm so sad. But I know that it's for the best and one of these days, soon probably, I will feel ok again and realize that B and I will always have a special connection. I love you B!

Poor boy and his snot

Go figure that my last post was so positive. A day later, B got sick. And he's been sick now for almost 2 weeks. Poor kid. He woke up that Monday morning sneezing. I figured it might just be allergies because it was windy. I took him to My Gym and by midday, I knew it was a cold. The next day his nose was runny. And I swear it's been runny every since. We missed speech therapy and child development and went to the doctor. Turns out he had a pus ridden ear infection on top of his snotty-ness. Then the cough started. We took him back to the doctor and he was put on inhalation treatments. His cough got worse. I started freaking out. (Enter D's RSV trauma here). So I took him back today and guess what? B has RSV. Or croup. Or some other bronchial infection. Needless to say, he's being treated for all of it. The good news is that after his horrible day yesterday, today was a little better. So maybe yesterday was the hump. His nose has been better but that's probably because he was put on claritin too. Yesterday he couldn't breathe at naptime so he didn't nap. The first time ever. Today he almost didn't either but I let him cry a bit and I think he was so tired, he gave in. I am so tired. So tired of all the snot. The drool. The coughing. Ugh! At least the little cold D seemed to have went away. Of course my parents won't come anywhere near our house for fear of getting sick themselves or passing it on to my grandma. Thank goodness David didn't need to work much this week. I have no village. My village is David. I can't even find a babysitter. Aren't there people who need work? Ugh. This post is like a big run-on sentence. Anyway, I guess the silver lining is that B is improving and hopefully he will be even better tomorrow. Please.