End of an era

Have I really been breastfeeding for over 3 years? I nursed D for 18 months and B is now 21 months. Crazy. I hate the reason why I'm done. Migraines. Once again, I'm done because I can't tolerate the pain and need to go on meds that I can't breastfeed with. It was the same way with D. Sucks. At least B took pity on me tonight. I'm not really sure why I decided to do it tonight, it just happened. Instead of nursing him, I read to him in the rocking chair. When he got squirmy, I asked if it was time for bed and he nodded. When I turned the light off and was holding him he started pointing to the chair. I don't know if he was pointing to the book on the ottoman or if he was expecting me to nurse him. I didn't ask. He definitely would have wanted the boob. I sang to him a little and he started pointing to the crib. So I put him down. No tears, no nothing. From him anyway. My heart broke a little. He's only been getting one boob, one time a day for months now. But it was our time. It was special. And relaxing after most days that were stressful and filled with a lot of craziness. But he's almost 2. He doesn't need to be nursed and I need to be able to function. I'm not doing right by my family when I'm in pain and bitchy. So, I have to give up nursing B. My breastfeeding days are over. And I'm so sad. But I know that it's for the best and one of these days, soon probably, I will feel ok again and realize that B and I will always have a special connection. I love you B!

Poor boy and his snot

Go figure that my last post was so positive. A day later, B got sick. And he's been sick now for almost 2 weeks. Poor kid. He woke up that Monday morning sneezing. I figured it might just be allergies because it was windy. I took him to My Gym and by midday, I knew it was a cold. The next day his nose was runny. And I swear it's been runny every since. We missed speech therapy and child development and went to the doctor. Turns out he had a pus ridden ear infection on top of his snotty-ness. Then the cough started. We took him back to the doctor and he was put on inhalation treatments. His cough got worse. I started freaking out. (Enter D's RSV trauma here). So I took him back today and guess what? B has RSV. Or croup. Or some other bronchial infection. Needless to say, he's being treated for all of it. The good news is that after his horrible day yesterday, today was a little better. So maybe yesterday was the hump. His nose has been better but that's probably because he was put on claritin too. Yesterday he couldn't breathe at naptime so he didn't nap. The first time ever. Today he almost didn't either but I let him cry a bit and I think he was so tired, he gave in. I am so tired. So tired of all the snot. The drool. The coughing. Ugh! At least the little cold D seemed to have went away. Of course my parents won't come anywhere near our house for fear of getting sick themselves or passing it on to my grandma. Thank goodness David didn't need to work much this week. I have no village. My village is David. I can't even find a babysitter. Aren't there people who need work? Ugh. This post is like a big run-on sentence. Anyway, I guess the silver lining is that B is improving and hopefully he will be even better tomorrow. Please.