Frustrating Times

Everyday is a fight. A fight to keep my sanity. B is constantly a handful. Between the tantrums, exhaustion, strange allergic/asthmatic cough thing and being an almost 2 year old, we have our hands totally full. I feel like I can never be grateful for the good things. Our kids are basically healthy, very bright and so loving. We have a great house. David has a job that allows me to stay home with the kids. So many good things. And I'm constantly miserable. Exhausted. Wishing for something else. Jealous of those who have what I want. My therapist today said it's not that I'm not grateful, because I am, it's that I'm overwhelmed by the things that are so hard. She wants me to get out more. HA! I wish I could! If only we had Mary Poppins to help us. And the money to pay her. Unfortunately we did not win the $314 Mega Million jackpot today. I'm so isolated. My friends are dealing with their kids. It's still cold and flu season and with B's breathing stuff right now, I'm not interested at all in going back to My Gym for awhile. Or for being indoors with other kids for that matter. UGH!

Let's go back a week. We went to see David, Molly and Tara last weekend. It was nice to get away. Although in the first hour of the drive, I thought we were going to have to turn around because B would not settle down and was so fussy. Fortunately, we stopped in Santa Barbara for lunch and all was fine after that. We saw the Prestons for afternoon and dinnertime and then went to the hotel. B was a little hesitant in his new sleeping environment but did really well. D was the one who kept getting us up! Anyway, I saw Christie who I hadn't seen in 22 years the next day which was pretty cool. The kids napped fine and we were able to see the Prestons again. B slept well that night too while D was so so. I think she was just overtired. The next day the rain came. We went to a gym class with Molly and Tara which was fun but the wheels were starting to fall off the cart...B was getting more and more fussy. I think he was overstimulated being out of his own environment. That afternoon we went to see Erica and family at their new house in SLO. We celebrated Santiago's birthday and hung out. We had thought about going home that night because of the weather but then decided not to because we thought the kids would get a good night sleep. Which was the case except for D falling out of her bed at 4am. Oh well. Best laid plans. Anyway, after packing the car and checking out, B starting to have one of his coughing fits. We needed to give him a treatment so we stopped at the Prestons, did the treatment and got on the road. B was asleep 30 minutes later. We drove in horrible rain the whole way home, only stopping once for lunch in Ventura. The rain actually was worse once we were home. Regardless, the weekend was surprisingly better than we had expected and the kids did pretty well.

Maybe this week has been a recovery week for B. He hasn't napped very well. Basically, if he isn't kept busy, he's a clingy, tired wreck. Which makes me just a tired wreck. Again, I sound so ungrateful for this wonderful son of mine. Someday I will look back on all of this with him and laugh...oh remember when??? Sigh....

Busy life

Time flies when you have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old....who keep getting sick! We're finally wrapping up B's antibiotics for the sinus infection he ended up with and D's knee is feeling better. What happened to D's knee? Well, her cold virus that gave her an ear infection settled in her knee. Strange. One morning she woke up and couldn't walk. Fortunately, she is better. We're still awaiting her blood results but because we haven't heard from the doctor yet, we're pretty sure it won't show anything.

B's speech is a slow go. He is progressing but at a snail's pace. He now whispers some b's and p's. He does "ch" like he's trying to speak yiddish. He says "oooo" for more and we have heard him say "pop," "bubba" for bubble and "bye bye." He doesn't seem to repeat it much but at least he's doing it. I'm exhausted with all the therapy appointments but more exhausted with the tantrums and trying to figure out what the heck he wants all the time. Then add in D's tantrums and attitude and I want to run away.

Speaking of running away, David sent me on an overnight to Sacramento to visit friends for my birthday. It was so nice. But so short. 22 hours to be exact. But so nice to be free of of children. I missed David so much though. I can't wait for a day to be with him on an overnight. Someday.

Have to go to bed to pack and get out of here to go visit the central coast for the weekend. Looking forward to seeing Tara and family and praying that B sleeps, doesn't throw too many tantrums and that we have fun.

Really? Sick again?

So it's been a week. I haven't nursed B. He seems content with stories and cuddles. It's working out. I don't miss it too much although right now, I wish I could help him. He's sick again. Getting over croup. Poor kid has a cough that breaks my heart. I guess I'm comforting him enough but there's just something about nursing him that seems to be so soothing to us both. Tonight he actually let me hold him without reading while I sang to him. He was sucking on his fingers and was pretty sleepy. My sweet sweet boy. He caught his cold last week and I thought I heard the croupiness start on Friday so I took him to the doctor because I was leaving on Saturday to go to San Diego for an overnight. Of course he was fine at the doctor's. I left on Saturday and came home Sunday to find David holding B in the kitchen looking so pathetic. David had given him medicine and we called the doctor. Back to inhalation treatments and back to the doctor on Monday. At least it's just croup. D was complaining about her ear a lot and then last night woke up crying. So I took her to the doctor today. Bad ear infection and back on antibiotics. I swear, it never ends! And I just want to cuddle with them both and take it all away. At least B slept last night and was better today. Hopefully that will happen to D tonight as well.

So the overnight away from the kids went well. David took care of them both and they didn't seem to miss me. Much. I guess that means I can do it more often! :)